I have always heard when one door closes another door opens. When I think about this, I am not sure if I really believed in this. But after my life changed dramatically at the end of February, I am a firm believer. Things really do happen for a reason. When I first found out about my husband of 8 years having an affair, I thought my world was ending. I did not know what I was going to do to survive and take care of my three kids. I thought it was going to be impossible to raise 3 children on my own. I went into a spiral. I was depressed. I could not eat or sleep and was sick all day and night long. I was losing control of myself. I had people constantly calling me, sending me messages and just being at the house with me and nothing was helping. I knew that I was losing control.
Then one morning I woke up and didn’t want to lose control anymore. I went to my doctor and told him what was going on and how I was feeling. Of course, he told me that I was suffering from major depression along with severe anxiety. Since that day, I have felt so much better. It took about a month to get back on my feet and oh how things have changed.
Now I have always been a believer of Karma. I thought that I did something to deserve this pain. Was I this horrible person who deserved my husband cheating with my best friend? Was I a horrible mother? Was I ugly? Too fat? There were so many thoughts racing through my mind. But let me tell you something! It IS NOTHING THAT I HAVE DONE! I am not a horrible person, a horrible mother. I am NOT FAT OR UGLY! I am me. And I am proud to be me!
Now back to the one door closes another one opens. What I didn’t realize is that many doors opened that night when I found out. First one that opened was my independence. I don’t have to answer to a man that only cares about himself. I can focus on my kids and ME. Finally after all these years! The door to a job that I love opened! I am currently working at a chiropractor’s office and I LOVE IT! I love helping patients (without the use of surgery or drugs). I love marketing and being a chiropractor’s assistant! I like going in to work! I have never had that feeling before. Now, during my marriage, I went to school for Health Care Administration and never received any emotional support to use my degree to better our lives. He is definitely regretting that decision right now! I know that for a fact!
Love is another door that has opened. I thought I was in love with my husband. Sure, I loved him..at one point. For years, I just pushed my true feelings about him in the back of my mind and just forgot about them. I was comfortable. I was supposed to be in love with him. I married him! We were young when we got married. We were 18 and 19 when we got married And on top of that, I was 8 months pregnant! When I think back on it, I believed our parents beliefs pushed us to get married and we just stuck with each other all of these years. Now that I am out of this marriage, I have found a love that I didn’t know existed. I have a man that takes care of me and my children. A man that treats me like a queen. A man that acts like I am the only woman out there. My heart loves him so much I don’t even know how to act half of the time. I can’t wait to see him at the end of the day. I can’t wait to go to sleep next to him and him just hold me all night long. He listens to me. I never had that either. My soon to be EX husband, never truly listened to me. He always told me that he did not want to hear it. I was bitching too much. And all I ever wanted to do was express my feelings. I think that is why I started Jennifer’s Deals. To have a place where I could truly express my feelings.
Another door that has opened is happiness. I am happy. Very happy. Adam cheating was the best thing to ever happen to me. It opened up my happiness. I want to go out now and have fun. I don’t feel like I should sit in the house all day long and just play Mommy all the time. I am happy now because I make time for myself. I rarely did this when I was married. My focus was all about my children and him. I know..what a life?! I laugh all the time. My boyfriend constantly makes me laugh and I enjoy him. I can also enjoy my children more. I don’t feel worn out all the time. I feel like a human being that matters. And that is the best feeling.